"All unreasonable outcomes have unreasonable causes"

"How easily we came together proves the real conspiracy"

"The other Jewish Cabal controls the country"

"The internet told me they put stuff in my water"

There's someone I want you to meet

"They''re listening to our every word"

"Go ahead, ask me anything about the government''s secret experiments"

"Tell it to me straight, I can take it"

"You are the ugliest of them all"

"They''re all out to get me"

"If I make a documentary they will believe me"

"We''re controlled by billions of microbes"

"What happens when you''re on the wrong side of history?"

"All the problems in the world are caused by bad moods"

You have to pretend to mean it